The other day I was the gym on the cardio machines and while there are
little televisions for each exercise machine, more often than not, the
TVs dont work, are blurry, or stuck on some CCTV channel showing some
boring soap opera. So it was quite a pleasant surprise that on this
particular day and at this particular time, a triatholon was being
shown. I like watching sports while working out. Hell, I like
watching sports anytime. I'm not sure where the event was being held,
but I'm pretty sure it was somewhere in the states.
So that got me thinking. What if Shanghai was to hold its own
triatholon? (I'm pretty sure I'm spelling that word wrong, as the
dotted red line shows up each time I type it that way.) I have
absolutely no clue if Shanghai already has a triatholon, and if so,
apologies in advance to the coordinators of such an event. So
basically a triatholon is swimming, biking, and running - in the
order. There's some distances involved but I don't know what they are
and frankly in the discussion, it doesn't really matter.
Where would a hypothetical Shanghai triatholon be held? And what TIC
(this is china) hijinks would occur? Here's what I think.
The logical choice for a body of water that's central and a showcase
location to Shanghai to swim in would be the Huangpu River, which
divides Puxi and Pujersey (well actually Pudong). But then, the
Huangpu River is pretty gross. The water is chalky brown. No sane
person would want to swim in the 'Pu. You could come out with an
extra eye or maybe in the process of forming another leg growing out
of your neck. Chances are good that you will swim over/through/past
some rotting corpses. But let's just say for arguments sake, that the
swimming portion of the event was held in the 'Pu.
The next event is biking. And there are plenty of very scenic biking
routes in Shanghai. Go from The Bund to People's Square, then over to
XTD and west through the French Concession, up to Jing'An and Suzhou
Creek or down to the Puxi side expo site. The route isn't the
problem. I would envision the problem to be that there would be
either 1. no bike to ride b/c it would be stolen or 2. the
participants would lose a boatload of time trying to unlock their bike
or getting through city traffic. First, imagine a whole bunch of
swimmers running out of the 'Pu to discover the area where their bikes
are supposed to be is totally empty. Yeah that would be Shanghai.
If your bike isn't locked to something or to itself, it's good as
gone. Or the second scenario. There probably would be signs at the
city's busiest intersections informing motorists that a race is coming
through and that they shouldn't drive between certain times. Like
anyone would give a shit. The triatholon bikers would soon bike head
on into impossible traffic conditions. More than a handful of bikers
would be hit by a bus, a taxi, a scooter, a truck, other bicyclists,
or all of the above. And as soon as one traffic accident occurs, 40
shanghainese people will surround the scene screaming at each other
and figuring out who is at fault. If you're a foreigner (which all of
the triathletes probably would be), you are automatically at fault.
Time to get back on that bike and ride like the wind.
BUT LETS JUST SAY FOR ARGUMENTS SAKE that the triathletes were able to
complete the swimming and biking events without a hitch. Running
would be the last event. At this point, I think the route could begin
in Puxi then head over one of the bridges to Pudong and run to either
PVG (the airport) or to the East China Sea. Like I stated before, I
don't know the official distances of triatholon events and it really
doesnt matter. The running would be hard work. B/c there's streets
in Pujersey that are unfinished and are either dirt roads or are
blocked off for no apparent reason. Or new highways or bridges that
have no start or end. So on a map, it may look complete, but far from
reality. By this time, there would be just a few triathletes
remaining. If you've been in the race this long and manage to finish,
everyone should get a prize.
This may sound like I'm bitching about Shanghai, but I'm really not.
I just wanted to bring up the worst case and most humorous (and
totally hypothetical) scenarios if a triatholon was to be held here.
I sure do love this city!
http://shangbert.blogspot.com